I actually heard this at work the other day. My reply, which was deemed hysterical by the male present and earned me glares from the females:

“You ENJOY the smell of vomit?”

This quickly ranting blog post was brought to you by the boys over at Cracked, via their article on 5 Terrible Situations for the Socially Awkward Male. Look at number one. What is it? Holding a baby.

What the FUCK is it with people and trying to shove babies on you? It’s your stupid ball of vomit, you hold it. I don’t want to.

“Oh, but you really do!”
“No, I don’t.”
“You’re just shy!”
“You’re just a cunt.”

And then they get all pissed.

“Just take it!”
“If you didn’t want to hold it, maybe you should have used a condom.”

Why do people like to inflict their offspring on other people? I’ve covered a little in a prior blog post ranting about how women were batshit at one of my prior jobs and constantly needed to remind me they had kids/were pregnant. Why? I NEED TO KNOW, PEOPLE. Mostly because I need to know how best to avoid it.

A few of you women know what I mean and also object. If it’s awkward for a guy, it’s worse for us– apparently because we have tits we think babies smell like sunshine and unicorns and are omg da bestest cwutest tings evar! The guy has a prayer of escaping holding the thing. We usually don’t. That’s why I avoid all contact. Thank Bahamut, it doesn’t often come up. If it does, I will seriously contemplate punting the thing over a fence if SOMEONE doesn’t come in and tell me why people enjoy inflicting this suffering upon other people.

That’s all for now. Possibly there will be more ranting later, trying to figure out the insanity on my own.

Have a comic by the wonderful person that makes Lackadaisy as a reward for sitting through this inanity. In the same vein, but funnier than my lunatic ramblings.