WARNING: This post is going to piss people off. No, seriously. It deals heavily with religion. If that bothers you, run now. Don’t bother flaming me, getting upset. We’re not going to agree. I don’t expect you to agree with me, nor should you expect me to agree with you. Don’t waste your time. Thanks.


I’m fed up. Look, I know I’ve been going post happy lately, but goddamn if this doesn’t piss me off.

Here’s the back story: A building containing an adult novelty store burned down in my town. No one was hurt, and it looks like the cause was accidental. The firemen were awesome in responding, all that. That’s all great. However, I’m about ready to drop kick me some holier than thou twats that live in my town.

An example of this foolishness, a letter to my local paper. I’m replacing the town name with Townsville, because I don’t want you people to know where I live and hunt me down:

“Hey, why didn’t the [newspaper] just call it what it was, a pornography store?

Why do you sanitize this type of business? Why do you make it sound so nice and clean, so polite and quaint for the good folks of Townsville?

This business was a blight and an embarrassment for the area, and sadly, one that exploits and dehumanizes people. Pornography is proved statistically to be a contributing factor for criminal behaviors such as rape and sexual assault. It makes women “things” and not real human people. It also makes other people very rich and powerful at their expense.

If this fire had struck another type of business, you wouldn’t be afraid to call it a liquor store, or a food store, or a hardware store. So why not call it what it really was: a pornography store? Everyone talking about the fire story in Townsville spoke of the porn store that burned up, not the cute sounding “adult novelty store.””

People have been wailing on the owner of this store, calling it a “blight” on the city, making jokes about melting blow up dolls, and generally being the most disrespectful pricks you’ll ever come across. If this was a coffee shop that had burned down, we’d hear people “praying for those that lost their livelihood.” Because it’s a store that sold some very nice adult toys and videos, apparently, we should have thrown the employees and owners into the blaze to be rid of their “kind.”

No, I’m not making that up. In the comments section of one of the articles on this, someone said that anyone that would work at a sex shop is “disgusting.” Really? Really now? Why?

***AUTHOR’S NOTE: I apologize now to you good, SANE Christians. You guys that practice kindness and tolerance and know what a vibrator is and don’t begrudge others getting off with one, or hell, even use one yourself. I KNOW you exist. None of this tirade applies to you. I’m not for religion, but clearly you guys get the faith thing and it WORKS for you. Run with it. More power to you. Just skip the rest of this post. Seriously. It’s just going to piss you off. *****

Oh, but I’m being stupid again. It’s all because I wasn’t born and raised to believe that I’m going to burn in hell if I get enjoyment from sex. THAT’S why I’m such a heathen that I don’t believe this store is evil. So silly of me.

Now, this has been a vexation of mine for a long time, this demonization of sex we have in this country. It can be traced back to those fun-loving Puritans that first came to this country, methinks. You know, those same people that thought it was a sin to dance, have music, use your imagination (note: that last one was stolen from my Shakespeare professor, and I haven’t found documentation of that one just yet, but damnit, I will), and in the words of House, thought drama and plays were “the way the devil gets inside you (points if you get that reference and name the episode).” They were laughed out of England for their bitching about theatre, thus they came here to steal other people’s land and live out their miserable, tuneless, sexless lives.

Of course, they’re not all to blame. The idea that sex = evil is rather prominent in most branches of Christianity. The majority of the U.S. is Christian. Thus, the majority of America seems to have this belief, and the type of bullshit that is contained in the letter above happens.

My question is: Why? Why, exactly, is it that Christians fear sex so much at every single point in their lives? The antiquated insanity of “no sex before marriage” is a special type of lunacy to discuss another time, but what about just in general? I’ve been trying to come up with something for years, and all I can come up with is that the Church really, really hates anything that causes pleasure.

Here’s my theory on religion: It was created to control the masses when just threatening to beat your ass for killing someone didn’t cut it anymore. They needed some bigger, better punishment. Punishment that lasted a really, REALLY long time. All you have to do is create a mystical figure to do the punishing and BOOM. You can get people to stand in line because if they don’t, powers far more mighty than mere man shall smite them!

See, all that, I get. I really do. Human groups need order, and that order needs to be kept by having rules that are enforced. If people don’t fear consequences of breaking rules, everything goes to hell. I GET that. It keeps the rapin’, murderin’, and cuttin’ on yer own face down. More bonus points if you get THAT reference.

But why the hell police consenting sex?! Why?! What the hell do they get out of it? You cannot tell me that Adam and Eve never got it on. According to Christian mythology, they HAD to. Where’d all these Christians come from, otherwise?! Now, we can run with the idea that before the fall they never did. Sure. But why do we need to think that? Why is lust, what is necessary to create life, a deadly sin?

All I’ve got is that it makes people hate themselves, and therefore become obsessed with what they can do to somehow “fix” whatever it is they are talked into believing is wrong with them. And HEY! You know who knows how to fix it? All those nice people in that big pointy building. Who told you it was wrong in the first place. That’s why you police carnal desire, unavoidable emotions and impulses, because if you make them hate themselves for what they cannot control, blame themselves for what they naturally are, and then claim that only you have the keys to fixing it all, they’ll run to you for all the answers. You own them. They will do whatever you tell them to make their “dirty” and “disgraceful” selves better. Yeah. You know who else does this type of brainwashing? Abusers. Check this out:

As defined by the United States Department of Justice:

Emotional Abuse: Undermining an individual’s sense of self-worth and/or self-esteem. This may include, but is not limited to constant criticism, diminishing one’s abilities, name-calling, or damaging one’s relationship with his or her children.

Psychological Abuse: Causing fear by intimidation; threatening physical harm to self, partner, children, or partner’s family or friends; destruction of pets and property; and forcing isolation from family, friends, or school and/or work.


Now, those are the definitions for those as they pertain to domestic violence, but it sounds eerily like what the church does: It tells you over and over again you’re worthless/damaged, intimidates you with threats of a place of torture especially if you question them or disagree with them (silly heretics)… you get the idea.

Okay, now all you people about to flame me and yell “CHURCH ISN’T LIKE THAT! THEY DO GOOD!” tell me this: If an abusive spouse works for a charity and feeds the poor, should we not punish them for beating their spouse to death? Can any amount of good deeds really wipe away the stain of convincing people they are worthless? Defective? Damaged?

You know, I started this post to rail into people that hated sex for no reason other than they were told it was bad. In wandering down the road of why anyone would possibly believe that madness, I’ve found why it is the church pisses me off so much.

What all of that rant was supposed illustrate is how absurd the fear and hatred of sex is that makes people call this legitimate business a “blight” and laugh at the fact that people lost their livelihood and jobs.

I’ll get into the hating on porn another day. What pisses me off is that this business is being mocked and jeered at, kicked, and it’s employees and patrons pissed on because in this damned society, sex is evil.

And it’s all because an abusive entity bent on controlling minds told people so, and they believed them.

Remember, kids: Religions are just cults with more members. And better public relations.


Here is a much smarter person than I disputing the idea that the church, most specifically, the Catholic Church, is a force of good in the world. I give you, the glorious Stephen Fry. This man raises many of the points I do here, but far more eloquently than a verbal klutz like myself could ever hope to do. If you don’t listen to me, listen to him.

Part 1 of 2: Stephen Fry