Tag Archive: rant


People frustrate me.

Those of you that read this blog, way back in the day when I had the time and energy to post on it regularly, know this. I made a post about how I prefer to not be nasty to people if I have nothing in common with them, I much prefer to simply let us naturally drift apart. This works pretty well for most people.

Emphasis on most.

Kids, if someone hasn’t seen you in a while, the correct way to reconnect with them is thus: You send them a message, or a text saying something to the equivalent of “Hey! I was thinking of you the other day and just wanted to see how you were doing. Hope life’s treating you well!” What’s great about this is they have the option to not respond if they so choose. They also have the option to respond with a goddamn novel about their life up to that point. It’s low pressure and low cost energy wise to both parties.

The incorrect ways to reconnect with someone are many and varied, so let me tell you about the one most frequently used upon me: The Pounce.

I will be out in a store– grocery store, book store, clothing store, doesn’t matter– and someone will notice me. They will not say “Hey! Fancy meeting you here, how are you? Good? I’m good. We should catch up sometime, ciao!” and leave me the fuck alone.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s the polite reaction, is it not? You’re doing something, I’m doing something, neither of us planned this social call, we planned to do other things. By virtue of my being there and you being there, we’re ruining each others’ experience that we initially planned. Right? I thought so.

Instead, what I always fucking get is as follows:

OMG, I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU IN FOREVER. HAVE YOU MISSED ME?” 

I don’t feel comfortable appraising your social worth in front of you. It only leads to you being upset because, invariably, you’re not important enough for your tastes. “Er… hello there. Long time no see. How are you?”

Through out this, I will be steadfastly staying in my spot, paused in what I am doing. I will not turn toward the individual. I want a quick interaction. I give no indication of wanting any further conversation than common courtesy.

I’M SO GOOD, YOU HAVE NO IDEA. ARE YOU GOOD?” 

Yes, I am, thank you for asking. I’m glad you’re doing well too!” I smile, nod, and go back to what I was doing. I thought, and still think, this is the universal sign for “end of conversation.”

Apparently, I am dead wrong.

“SO I’VE BEEN TRYING TO GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU.” 

Oh, here we go.

“OMG I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU IN FOREVER, WE SHOULD GET TOGETHER SOMETIME.” 

At this point, I will have to take a step away, because invariably, they will find the need to intrude into my personal space to force my attention back on them.

“Yes, that could be fun.” Yes, I know it’s a lie. I shouldn’t lie. But I really don’t like being rude or out and out hurtful. That, and I really don’t like the fucking scene people create when you tell them to go away. They usually glare and huff and are a bitch to you the rest of the time you’re wherever you are, so invariably you have to make effort to avoid them or you have to leave. I don’t want to leave. I didn’t bring this goddamn interaction on us, they did. It’s their fault. Childish to assign blame, I realize, but all the same, one of us caused this. It wasn’t me.

Here, I will usually check my phone, or take note of something announced over the speaker if it is something like a store closing, special event, or other such excuse to leave. I’ll smile politely, and say: “It was great seeing you, but I hadn’t realized what time it was/the store’s closing/I don’t want to get caught in the crowd for the event/etc. I’ve got to go.”

Now, in reflection on these interaction, I always realize I should have firmly affixed a “Good bye!” here and turned on my heel and left. I view it as rude, but other people tell me it’s being “assertive.” I notice it’s only “assertive” when they do it, never when it’s done to them. Otherwise, it’s rude. Thus, I’m disinclined to follow their advice, because again, I don’t like drama, I don’t like scenes, and I really don’t like people texting me and messaging me and being dicks to me going “WHY WERE YOU SUCH A BITCH TO X?” But it’s also more than that: It’s not that I don’t like you. I just don’t want to have an extended conversation with you at this moment. Let me take a brief moment to explain something about introverts like myself on the extreme end of the spectrum:

We plan our social interactions down to the moment. We think “Okay, if I can arrive by this time, I can leave by this time without seeming rude.” It’s nothing against you, we don’t hate you, we’ll have fun while we’re there, even! But being around people is tiring. It’s tiring for different people for different reasons. Usually my problem is that with any given person, I have a set of conversation topics I can’t go near, I have a set of facets to my personality I cannot express, and I have to filter everything I say to such a degree it is mentally exhausting. “GET NEW FRIENDS THEN” you say. Well, I do. They’re mostly over the internet. Why? Because I live in a fucking place where there are almost no people like me, that’s why. I have to make do with what I’ve got until I can move elsewhere, like all the precious few people that are like me are. I do like some interaction with people. I get lonely like everyone else. So I have to make do with what I have. Thus, I have to put up with all this garbage if I want to interact with anyone other than my partner. Point is, I don’t like pissing people off because I can tolerate so precious few of them to begin with. If I want to fucking leave, it has nothing to do with you. Contrary to popular belief, extroverts, the entire goddamn world is not a reaction to you.

Now, to get back to that tricky “being assertive” by saying “goodbye,” I was raised that you don’t fucking impose yourself upon other people. Thus, if someone says they have to go, their body is angled away from you, and they look about to leave, you say “Oh! Sorry to hold you up. See you later.” I was, apparently, the only person raised this way in the last fucking half a century. If someone says they need to leave now, the correct response is:

BUT I JUST SAW YOU, WE NEED TO GET TOGETHER. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVE TO GO? I DON’T HAVE TO GO. I’M NOT BUSY. WE NEED TO GET TOGETHER.” 

If you’re someone like this: Fuck you. Either you’re oblivious to both body language and verbal communication, or you’re outright ignoring it. There’s no excuse for being that oblivious past the age of thirteen or so unless you so happen to be actually clinically diagnosed on the autism spectrum. In that case, you get a pass, and I’ll adjust my interaction with you accordingly. If you’re a mentally healthy human being, you’re just being rude and inconsiderate. I’ve give you every polite indication that I want to end the conversation. I’m not going to tell you to fuck off, because I think that as another human being you deserve to have courtesy extended to you.

Here in the interaction is where I start to get truly upset at the person in question, for all of the reasons above. It’s even worse if I’m actually out with another person at the time– I’m not only upset you’re wasting my time, but you’re wasting someone else’s that I chose to be with and making us both uncomfortable.

“Some other time. I have to go, I’m sorry.” Why the fuck should I have to apologize to you? Oh yes, because I’m an idiot. And my idea that I should be polite to everyone is outdated, because the rest of the fucking world doesn’t follow it. I keep forgetting people are surprised when I tell them “thank you.”

And yet, I’m giving the other goddamn person an opportunity to realize they’re being a knob and exit the conversation gracefully. Fucking take it, you ass. Thankfully, about 50% do. The other 50% will physically follow me when I leave. You think I’m kidding. I’m not. Their response is:

OH WELL I’LL WALK YOU OUT. WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING! DOES YOUR NUMBER STILL WORK? LET ME TEXT YOUR PHONE RIGHT HERE TO MAKE SURE IT GOES OFF AND STILL WORKS.” 

Guys, I sincerely wish I was making this up. I’m not. After these interactions, when I finally escape them by going “No, I have to go, I’m getting in my car, I will talk to you later” I, frankly, feel violated. I had to physically get up and leave somewhere because another person would not leave me alone. That’s not a nice feeling. It’s no better than having to leave a bar because you’re being sexually harassed, being talked down to for your appearance, being made uncomfortable because you hold a different belief or value system than the majority at a totally unrelated event. I’ve been harassed in a lot of different ways. I worked for a call center. I’ve had men ask me to send them pictures of me, I’ve had people talk about their porn habits explicitly, I’ve had people call me stupid and horrible things. They all hurt and make me uncomfortable. It’s much of the reason why I quit. I’ve had people follow me from class to class and I’ve had problems being catcalled, on the street, in my car, and in any public space. I’ve had problems being sexually harassed by a guy on a loudspeaker attached to his truck while I’m in my car. All of these things make  me uncomfortable and upset, and makes me want to avoid going out. I shouldn’t have to keep myself sequestered in my apartment to avoid having my personal mental or physical space infringed upon in an upsetting manner.

But all that, I can shake off. It may take me a while, but I can. Frankly, it hurts a whole lot more that someone that actually knows me and calls themselves my friend would make me that uncomfortable by forcing themselves on me. It hurts, because it makes me feel used and stepped on. And more than that, it makes me feel stupid because I was the one stupid enough to give you the time of day in the first place. That’s the worst part, I get told “WELL BE ASSERTIVE,” “YOU’RE EXPECTING THEM TO BE PSYCHIC,” “YOU NEED TO SPEAK UP!”

If you knew anything about me at all, I wouldn’t have to. You know when your friends are upset, even before they say anything. It’ll come through, even in their text messages and IM’s. Anyone does.

But I’m the one that needs to change here. I need to be assertive. It’s all my fault. Just like it’s all my fault for wearing shorts on a 90 degree day while I’m moving boxes to a new apartment and sitting in my car at a stop light with the window down. It’s my fault for giving you an opening.

Yeah, got it. Thanks.

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Tattoos and Stupid Girls

I am one of the older of the waitstaff at my new job. Everyone else is about 18-21, most trending toward 20 and below. After a few days of listening to conversation as I work, I came to a realization that both saddened and annoyed me:

I never realized how damn big the age gap between the age of 22 and 18 could be.

Getting drunk is still modern and cool to this lot. I’m not kidding, one of them will repeatedly whine at her friend on the staff that she wants someone to get drunk with, because “I wanna get sooooo drunk 2nite lol.”

Okay, look. The one time I got truly “hardcore” drunk was not on purpose (I underestimated how much alcohol was in a mixed drink. Never again.) and I really don’t see the appeal. Furthermore, I’m at a loss as to why anyone would think that memory loss and throwing up multiple times is fun. So, okay, fine, maybe I just don’t get that one. But honestly, I think it’s just forbidden fruit syndrome– it’s more fun because they aren’t supposed to do it and they’d get in trouble with mommy and daddy if they’re caught, which gives them a thrill. All right, fine. I can understand that, but you’re still an idiot. Frankly, I expect this type of stupid behavior from them. Most kids fresh out of high school are that way.

What really annoys hell out of me, however, is their attitude toward tattoos/piercings. They don’t want tattoos for a reason, they just want a tattoo. They think they are “SO hardcore” because they’re going out to get a piercing tonight, just because they can. Seriously?

For those who haven’t been to piercing places/tattoo places, a tattoo generally runs 50 USD minimum, because they make you pay for the cost of opening a new tattooing kit and new ink. Piercings, meanwhile, I’ve seen for under 20 USD. Makes it a bit obvious as to why they want a piercing: it’s the cheapest way to piss off their parents. Never mind that it can cause horrible infections, scarring, and even if you get it done at a reputable shop, your body can still reject the piercing and it is NOT pretty, nor pleasant. However, as much as they want the piercings, what they really want is (apparently) the Holy Grail of pissing off your parents: Getting a tattoo without their permission. A piercing they can make you take out, mommy and daddy CAN’T make you take off a tattoo!

“Why do you care, exactly? So they’re morons. Judging by your various angry tirades you think most people are idiots. How is this more annoying or surprising than anything else?” You ask.

It annoys me because I have a tattoo. I have a tattoo that I put a fuck lot of thought into, mulled over for a long time, and that I got because it means something to me. Ever since one of these idiots glanced it when I took off the wrapping (I have to keep it covered at work for dress code reasons), she won’t stop bothering me about it. It wouldn’t bother me except for the fact it’s very clear she cannot wrap her head around why it has/should have any significant meaning. It’s just a random symbol on an arm to her, and to her, just means I have a tattoo.

“So…?”

So, she thinks that because I have a tattoo, clearly I got it for the same reason she did: just because I wanted one and it’ll piss off mommy and daddy. In her mind, I’m lumped into her little group in some way and I object to being lumped in with a bunch of empty headed drunkards.

“And?”

Okay, look, I know I’m getting worked up over nothing. It’s a rant for a reason. I honestly just really object because of the fact my tattoo is there for a reason, and these idiots enforce what seems to be the general perception of a 20 something with a tattoo: They got it to piss off their parents, have no ability to think long term, will rebel in a structured setting, be it home, school or the workplace, just to rebel, and are generally an entitled pain in the ass. That is the exact reason you should always keep your tattoos covered around prospective employers. They see that, they will NOT hire you. They can use whatever exclusion criteria they wish, of course, but it still greatly bothers me that if I accidentally push my sleeve up too far because it is hot in the interview room, they glimpse a line on my arm in ink and I’m automatically kicked out. It doesn’t matter how qualified I was two seconds ago.

Forgive the ranting in frustration. It’s been a long week.

It has been a strange, partly bad, partly good week. I started at a new job and, to my surprise, my tendency to just be hated on sight by women in an office environment was NOT limited to my summer cube job or various random interactions– no, it was that way here, too. This was not helped by the fact that the woman kept going over and over how “wonderful” a Christian establishment this place was (wish they’d advertised that one a little better) and being downright surly toward me. You want to be religious, that’s fine, but when your workers can only wear some sort of religious medallion to work as jewelry, there’s problems. Not a good idea to stay here long, methinks. Here’s hoping things are better away from this woman, who is technically not in my department.

Upset that I had somehow managed to offend this woman simply by existing, while trying to be very nice, all smiles, cooperative, etc. I fucking risked my life to come in that day, with heavy snow, poor visibility, and wind chills of -20+. I asked my friends what it was that was wrong with me, that, despite all that, this woman took one look at me and started being short, curt, and in some ways, downright mean. The answers were, frankly, surprising to a pessimist like myself.

I got that I was pretty and she was jealous, that I was too smart and it annoyed her, that I had the “Audrey Hepburn Effect,” defined as a quiet elegance that made common people feel common, and thus, acutely uncomfortable. I was amazed that so many people saw some sort of good in me. When I seemed surprised at the outpouring, one person commented that “the hardest thing in life is to see our own beauty and worth.”

It got me thinking in what may seem to be an arrogant, self-absorbed fashion. I’ll try my best not to let it be.

The thought was this: If I accept this idea that these things are true, why the fuck is it so difficult for me to get a job at every turn? Why is it that when I get a job, women just take one look at me and decide I’m evil?

I heard a variety of theories on this one too, the most common of which was that if a younger female arrives at a job, the elder, higher up woman immediately gets territorial and assumes the younger one will take their job. Some proposed that these women assumed I was after even more than their job, that I would somehow turn people against them or take things away from them because I’m considered more “attractive” than they are, and the younger didn’t help matters. Another is that they figure that because some would consider me “pretty” that they have to be extra hard on me, lest I think I can get away with whatever I want, because, everyone knows, pretty girls get off everything easy. Especially with men.

Really? There’s a reason I prefer working with men. They’re not batshit insane. They don’t shriek that at every turn people are keeping them “down” or discriminating against them, or bitching that a man finding them attractive, even if it is just their eyes lingering on a girl for a few seconds, sexual harassment. They don’t piss and moan that life is so *hard* for them because they’re not Megan Fox or who the fuck ever the star du jour is today. Furthermore, you know what? Males get over what I look like. It generally goes like this:

Male Coworker/friend: *awkward*
Me: I’m taken, yes these are real, yes they’re D+ cups, no you won’t ever touch them. Hand me that box, please.
MC: *blink* oh! Um…
Me: Don’t apologize. I don’t care. Admire if you want, just don’t let it interfere with work.
MC: *gives box* Okay. [insert job smalltalk here]

Naturally, it doesn’t always go that way (The situation I speak of above is in a very casual environment, not an office and CERTAINLY not with a supervisor. But the point is, If I don’t give a shit, or try to play it to get favors, or whatever, they get over it. They leave me alone. They treat me like their male coworkers, complete with lewd jokes and everything else because I DON’T CARE. Women, however… if you aren’t a part of their church/branch of military/daycare group/have kids to chat about they just hate you. That was the main problem at my summer job: Lady, I don’t give a fuck about your kids. Frankly, I think it’s unprofessional you bring them to work and then walk them around the office expecting everyone to “aww” at them. No, I don’t care that you’re pregnant. I don’t care when you’re due. I don’t care about your wedding, or your friend’s. I care about coming here, getting my shit done, and being left alone to do my job.

I wasn’t impolite and blunt as I’m being here, mind you, I just expressed no interest and made no motion to get involved in the office gossip pool. I didn’t care. That bothered the living shit out of them. They LIVE on office drama, why don’t I?!

It’s really quite simple: I’ve got better things to do with my life. If you don’t, then I think you need a serious rearrangement of priorities.

However, I’m contradicting myself. I make it sound like they spoke to me often, thus contradicting my statement they detested me on sight. They DID speak to me. They did, in passing, after I had been there a while. Mostly to gloat and go “OMG, LOOKY I GOT ENGAGED” when they did so to everyone, despite not liking me. However, when I didn’t fawn over them, it reinforced, I guess, what they initially thought: That I’m a terrible, cold, stuck up bitch who doesn’t care about making friends because I’m out for their job.

My male supervisor? He was FINE. He called me in when I fucked up, complimented my team’s work when it was spectacular. My teammate and I made friends with the IT guys and joked around with them because they liked computers and vidyagames, especially Mario. Guys were cool, civil, decent human beings and didn’t expect me to take non-work time to discuss things that were non-work related. We saw each other on breaks, on lunch. They didn’t come around to my cubicle squealing to their friends “OMG, MAH BABEH JUST KICKED I’M SOOOO EXCITED!”

Women in the workplace scare me. It’s why I want to get (back) into a mostly male staff. They may ogle my tits when I first show up, but they’ll eventually get past it and act like a human being. Women just hold grudges for fucking ever, and in this case, there’s nothing I can do. I’m not going to cut on my own face and become a Reaver just because you have low self esteem. And you know why?

It’s honestly because if you stopped holding grudges and smiled more often, you’d be pretty too. I’m of the opinion everyone has some sort of beauty about them– yes, outwardly. You have something. It might be smooth skin, a type of grace, great style, quirky taste in accessories– but something about you is attractive to someone. So stop shitting on me because you think I’m “prettier” than you, if that’s what your problem is. I can’t change the genetic configuration of my face. I dress modestly at work, I try not to draw attention to my naturally large chest (but, frankly, short of binding, if I’m wearing a t-shirt there’s not much I can do), I don’t wear lots of make up or anything else. I just want to come here, do my job, and be left alone. I’m not here to steal your job, you fucking lunatic. I don’t want it, and even if I did, I’d much rather earn what I get than try to “seduce” someone to get it.

So how about you lay off the attitude and leave me alone, savvy?

WARNING: This post is going to piss people off. No, seriously. It deals heavily with religion. If that bothers you, run now. Don’t bother flaming me, getting upset. We’re not going to agree. I don’t expect you to agree with me, nor should you expect me to agree with you. Don’t waste your time. Thanks.

******************************************

I’m fed up. Look, I know I’ve been going post happy lately, but goddamn if this doesn’t piss me off.

Here’s the back story: A building containing an adult novelty store burned down in my town. No one was hurt, and it looks like the cause was accidental. The firemen were awesome in responding, all that. That’s all great. However, I’m about ready to drop kick me some holier than thou twats that live in my town.

An example of this foolishness, a letter to my local paper. I’m replacing the town name with Townsville, because I don’t want you people to know where I live and hunt me down:

“Hey, why didn’t the [newspaper] just call it what it was, a pornography store?

Why do you sanitize this type of business? Why do you make it sound so nice and clean, so polite and quaint for the good folks of Townsville?

This business was a blight and an embarrassment for the area, and sadly, one that exploits and dehumanizes people. Pornography is proved statistically to be a contributing factor for criminal behaviors such as rape and sexual assault. It makes women “things” and not real human people. It also makes other people very rich and powerful at their expense.

If this fire had struck another type of business, you wouldn’t be afraid to call it a liquor store, or a food store, or a hardware store. So why not call it what it really was: a pornography store? Everyone talking about the fire story in Townsville spoke of the porn store that burned up, not the cute sounding “adult novelty store.””

People have been wailing on the owner of this store, calling it a “blight” on the city, making jokes about melting blow up dolls, and generally being the most disrespectful pricks you’ll ever come across. If this was a coffee shop that had burned down, we’d hear people “praying for those that lost their livelihood.” Because it’s a store that sold some very nice adult toys and videos, apparently, we should have thrown the employees and owners into the blaze to be rid of their “kind.”

No, I’m not making that up. In the comments section of one of the articles on this, someone said that anyone that would work at a sex shop is “disgusting.” Really? Really now? Why?

***AUTHOR’S NOTE: I apologize now to you good, SANE Christians. You guys that practice kindness and tolerance and know what a vibrator is and don’t begrudge others getting off with one, or hell, even use one yourself. I KNOW you exist. None of this tirade applies to you. I’m not for religion, but clearly you guys get the faith thing and it WORKS for you. Run with it. More power to you. Just skip the rest of this post. Seriously. It’s just going to piss you off. *****

Oh, but I’m being stupid again. It’s all because I wasn’t born and raised to believe that I’m going to burn in hell if I get enjoyment from sex. THAT’S why I’m such a heathen that I don’t believe this store is evil. So silly of me.

Now, this has been a vexation of mine for a long time, this demonization of sex we have in this country. It can be traced back to those fun-loving Puritans that first came to this country, methinks. You know, those same people that thought it was a sin to dance, have music, use your imagination (note: that last one was stolen from my Shakespeare professor, and I haven’t found documentation of that one just yet, but damnit, I will), and in the words of House, thought drama and plays were “the way the devil gets inside you (points if you get that reference and name the episode).” They were laughed out of England for their bitching about theatre, thus they came here to steal other people’s land and live out their miserable, tuneless, sexless lives.

Of course, they’re not all to blame. The idea that sex = evil is rather prominent in most branches of Christianity. The majority of the U.S. is Christian. Thus, the majority of America seems to have this belief, and the type of bullshit that is contained in the letter above happens.

My question is: Why? Why, exactly, is it that Christians fear sex so much at every single point in their lives? The antiquated insanity of “no sex before marriage” is a special type of lunacy to discuss another time, but what about just in general? I’ve been trying to come up with something for years, and all I can come up with is that the Church really, really hates anything that causes pleasure.

Here’s my theory on religion: It was created to control the masses when just threatening to beat your ass for killing someone didn’t cut it anymore. They needed some bigger, better punishment. Punishment that lasted a really, REALLY long time. All you have to do is create a mystical figure to do the punishing and BOOM. You can get people to stand in line because if they don’t, powers far more mighty than mere man shall smite them!

See, all that, I get. I really do. Human groups need order, and that order needs to be kept by having rules that are enforced. If people don’t fear consequences of breaking rules, everything goes to hell. I GET that. It keeps the rapin’, murderin’, and cuttin’ on yer own face down. More bonus points if you get THAT reference.

But why the hell police consenting sex?! Why?! What the hell do they get out of it? You cannot tell me that Adam and Eve never got it on. According to Christian mythology, they HAD to. Where’d all these Christians come from, otherwise?! Now, we can run with the idea that before the fall they never did. Sure. But why do we need to think that? Why is lust, what is necessary to create life, a deadly sin?

All I’ve got is that it makes people hate themselves, and therefore become obsessed with what they can do to somehow “fix” whatever it is they are talked into believing is wrong with them. And HEY! You know who knows how to fix it? All those nice people in that big pointy building. Who told you it was wrong in the first place. That’s why you police carnal desire, unavoidable emotions and impulses, because if you make them hate themselves for what they cannot control, blame themselves for what they naturally are, and then claim that only you have the keys to fixing it all, they’ll run to you for all the answers. You own them. They will do whatever you tell them to make their “dirty” and “disgraceful” selves better. Yeah. You know who else does this type of brainwashing? Abusers. Check this out:

As defined by the United States Department of Justice:

Emotional Abuse: Undermining an individual’s sense of self-worth and/or self-esteem. This may include, but is not limited to constant criticism, diminishing one’s abilities, name-calling, or damaging one’s relationship with his or her children.

Psychological Abuse: Causing fear by intimidation; threatening physical harm to self, partner, children, or partner’s family or friends; destruction of pets and property; and forcing isolation from family, friends, or school and/or work.

http://www.ovw.usdoj.gov/domviolence.htm

Now, those are the definitions for those as they pertain to domestic violence, but it sounds eerily like what the church does: It tells you over and over again you’re worthless/damaged, intimidates you with threats of a place of torture especially if you question them or disagree with them (silly heretics)… you get the idea.

Okay, now all you people about to flame me and yell “CHURCH ISN’T LIKE THAT! THEY DO GOOD!” tell me this: If an abusive spouse works for a charity and feeds the poor, should we not punish them for beating their spouse to death? Can any amount of good deeds really wipe away the stain of convincing people they are worthless? Defective? Damaged?

You know, I started this post to rail into people that hated sex for no reason other than they were told it was bad. In wandering down the road of why anyone would possibly believe that madness, I’ve found why it is the church pisses me off so much.

What all of that rant was supposed illustrate is how absurd the fear and hatred of sex is that makes people call this legitimate business a “blight” and laugh at the fact that people lost their livelihood and jobs.

I’ll get into the hating on porn another day. What pisses me off is that this business is being mocked and jeered at, kicked, and it’s employees and patrons pissed on because in this damned society, sex is evil.

And it’s all because an abusive entity bent on controlling minds told people so, and they believed them.

Remember, kids: Religions are just cults with more members. And better public relations.

******

Here is a much smarter person than I disputing the idea that the church, most specifically, the Catholic Church, is a force of good in the world. I give you, the glorious Stephen Fry. This man raises many of the points I do here, but far more eloquently than a verbal klutz like myself could ever hope to do. If you don’t listen to me, listen to him.

Part 1 of 2: Stephen Fry

I got my first flame! :D

Omg. I got fun news yous guys!

I HAS A FLAME. And it’s on my “suicide is bullshit” post. It’s delicious. It’s wonderful. I love it. And, future reference, yes, all of your comments are free game for a new blog post. Here’s my shiny new flame:

“I’m a writer. I’m currently finishing a novel, about 50,000 words left to write. I then have to do the rewrites of my first two novels, that’s about 100,00 words each. After that, assuming no other worthwhile projects intervene, I’ll be responding to this post.

I mention the other writing projects not to show off, but rather to give you — and anyone else who may be reading — an idea of the sheer scale of the project it will be to explain and correct every bullshit statement in this post.”

Now, let’s deconstruct this. He (the name attached was masculine, though it doesn’t matter *who* it was) first has to mention how very busy he is. Then why are you here? And then he says he’s not trying to brag– that tells me the very opposite.

Explain and correct every bullshit statement? XD You can try, skippy. I encourage it. However, my opinion has the advantage of being… my opinion. If you want to show off your internet cock by beating up on an unknown blogger, you can go right ahead, I’m just going to enjoy the lulz. So please, please, respond. Humor is one of my very favorite spices of life.

Okay, so this guy came to my blog on his own. I’m not a celebrity. I’m not even all that interesting. And this was the *first* post I ever made… that means he either had to go searching for it, or he came to it from one of the tags. Okay, fine. But I’m still a bit perplexed– if it’s going to be such a massive effort to “correct” me, why are you doing it when you are *clearly* so busy? And, furthermore, what the hell are you trying to prove? NO ONE READS THIS. There are 90 views to date. Aside from a couple kind friends that think I’m amusing, NO ONE SEES THIS. I hate to tell you, but your, I’m sure, argumentative genius is going to go to waste. So, if you’re not putting it up for anyone to see… BUT WAIT, YOU ARE!

“I mention the other writing projects not to show off, but rather to give you — and anyone else who may be reading…”

Okay, so your goal is to humiliate me in front of an audience. Noble aspirations. Oh yeah. Totally. One can argue I’m doing the same thing by posting this, but the difference is, I’m not doing it in any way that can be linked back to you. I was going to leave your comment approved, but you know what, I’m not out for a personal vendetta. I just want to ROFLCOPTER at you and others like you that honestly think that it is *so* important that you go hunt down an unknown blogger and try to make them feel inferior to make you feel better about yourself. If someone wanted to, I don’t want them to be able to harass you. I choose to put myself out there to be harassed. One can argue that anyone that posts on a public forum agrees to such things, but you know what? I’m gonna be nice and save you from looking like an absolute fool in front of lots of people.

So, why do people do this? Well, I’ve got some theories.

1.”Are you coming to bed?” “No.” “Why?” “Someone is WRONG on the internet!” -XKCD

Now, ignoring that entire thing on right and wrong being subjective, here’s my theory on this type of person: They really do think they are right. That they are somehow “improving” someone’s lives by “enlightening them.” In fact, I know these people quite well. I’m one of them. Thankfully, I’ve got a girlfriend to smack me when I do this on other people’s websites. My own? Sure. Someone else’s? No. Unless it’s something like racism, antisemitism, homophobia, etc. I get a swat. Why? Because if I don’t agree with you on religion, abortion, whatever, it’s fine you have a different view, because you know what? Your religion, your body, etc. However, when you start imposing your views on other people, like making laws that discriminate against folk or prevent them from having full control over their body? Then I can fight with you. After I think if it’s really worth wasting my energy on you. Usually, it’s not. However in my feisty, Irish hot temper, usually it takes me a head swat after ranting to realize that.

2. “They see me trollin’. They be hatin’.”
The guy could just be a troll, provoking for the sake of provoking. Maybe he just *really* needs to manipulate someone’s emotions to feel important. That’s how it is with most of them. Or they just find joy out of making people angry over stupid shit. My blog just happened to be the target of the day. However, one note: I hang out on 4chan, dudes. I’ve seen some horrible shit from freaking *professional level* trolls, if there could be such a thing. It’s pretty hard to really offend me anymore. I’ve just gotten used to it. You’ll get a rise out of me, sure– but then I’ll just write humorous/pondering posts such as this one. 😀

3. “OMG, U MAEK MEH SO ANGREE APIFGUHERPITUEHRPOSDIFHSDIPH111!!!!!1”
My bet for this guy, with a pinch of option one thrown in. Something I said pissed this guy off (congrats, you responded to a post I made intentionally inflammatory, even though it actually does sync up with my opinions! Troll point for me.) And he dashed off the first angry argle bargle that came into his head, promising to come back and get me later. My guess is he’ll either stew and make a post full of ridiculous emotion driven arguments or forget all about this.

All of these options leave me with one real question: Why is it he kept reading if it pissed him off so much? Was it just one of those train wreck moments, maybe? Why comment at all, how the hell is it going to change what’s been posted on the internet for months now?

So, readers, tell me about your flaming experiences, toss me more theories, leave me a flame to keep me warm. I’m cold, it’s below zero where I am. 🙂

Gender

Watching House season five, episode where the kid has XXY chromosomes and the parents have been lying to him that he’s a normal boy for thirteen years while pumping him full of testosterone.

Gender is an odd, tricky thing. Not because we internally make it that way… not until society says we have to, anyway. I’m an odd gender twist myself, though I didn’t realize it until rather recently.

My mind wandered down this road because if a kid wants to be a boy or a girl, I’m of the opinion it shouldn’t matter. Why should it matter if an individual with a penis wears a skirt, likes dance? What does it matter? Why should you have to have a clearly defined gender? I know that having a biological problem like this kid does can cause all sorts of health problems, sure. But on the question of assigning sex at birth… aside from the “why don’t I fit in the binary?” question, I don’t see why it matters. Probably because I object to the binary as defined by society, not science.

We have come a long way, of course. Women can wear pants. But if a man wants to do ballet, cheerleading, be a stay at home dad, or something else “emasculating” we mock him. A woman doesn’t want kids, or puts her relationship with her husband/wife above her kids, or generally isn’t catering to her kids’ every whim, we mock her. Why? Why does it matter?

Yes, yes, biology defines certain roles. Men and women’s brains are wired differently. However, when we come across an exception to the rule, why does it matter? Because it’s abnormal?

People hate what they don’t understand, that’s all I’ve got. They dislike things that go against the norm. It takes some sort of brain capacity to try to realize not everyone is just like you. It takes valuable time you could be devoting to picturing your boss’s wife/husband naked or thinking about if Brad and Angelina are broken up yet. Such a pain in the ass. Plus, if a woman can be masculine, or a man feminine, it threatens YOU if you identify as one of those. Why? I’m still working that one out. Best I’ve got is that no one wants to think that a man can make a better cherry pie or that a woman can build a better Chevy. However, if that person, while they don’t fit the genetic map of male or female, but identify as a man or woman, is it still a problem? Yes. Why? The impression is that sex and gender should be the same. Is this the way it should be? Is this right? In most cases, probably, but in some it is not. Should we update the rule to suit the minority? Maybe not, since it’s most often true. But if we come across and exception to that rule, then we should accept that it is an exception and go on, not try to mash that exception into the same hole we put everyone else in and hit it when it doesn’t fit.

For my first trick I will pull a rant out of my ass on mental illness and the stigma attached to it.

“Oh, you silly little blogger, there isn’t a stigma against mental illness! Everyone is on Zoloft now.”

Yeah, yeah.  I’m not talking about that.  It’s fine to pop a pill for anything nowadays.  But popping a pill because you’re sad isn’t what I’m talking about.  It’s fine to knock back some anti-depressants if it makes it more pleasant for the world to deal with you.  However, what isn’t fine is admitting “Hi there, I’m ______, and I’m depressed/have a mental illness and working am on it.”

Why?

Why is because of the lovely idea that anyone that has a mental illness is going to use it as a crutch.  They’re going to lay back and whine and complain that “ooh, my life is terrible because I’m depressed” or “it’s okay for me to be an asshole to everyone, I have Aspbergers!” In this lovely politically correct, apologetic world we live in, if someone pulls that card, you’re not allowed to do much to them except passively aggressively get pissy at them and, of course, avoid them.  You are NOT allowed to say “Well, then you should go get your ass some help for it and stop trying to get special treatment.  Other people have problems too.”

Thus, a stigma, defined here as “a mark of disgrace or infamy; a stain or reproach, as on one’s reputation,” is born.  “All people that will openly tell you they have a mental illness want special treatment/are using it as a way to be excused for actions that we would not put up with from a mentally healthy person.”

Why is this not okay?  Shouldn’t we point out that, yes, in fact, some people use their illness as a crutch? Damn skippy we should.  However, you should point your wrath toward them and the fact they refuse to do anything about their condition, not the condition itself.  Subtle difference.  The mental illness may, in fact, be causing them to act like an asshole, but if they are making no effort to control it, you should treat them like just another asshole.  You should tell them to stop it. You should tell them it’s not okay to be insensitive to other people, that they are not, in fact, a special snowflake that has a free pass.  When they throw it back at you that “I HAVE A DISEASE!!!1111!!!!” ask them, “What are you doing to control it?”  If the answer is a dumb stare, or a “I TAKEZ THE MEDS MAH DOCTOR GIVES ME!” then yes, treat them as another asshole.

“WHOA.  Hold the fuck up.  They’re taking medication! They’re doing something!  You frigging hypocrite!”

Before you toss out everything I just said, let me clarify:  If your symptoms are NOT adequately controlled by medication, your illness still affects your relationships and actions, unconsciously or not, you need to be  doing something else.  I don’t care if it’s formal therapy or simply taking stock of potential actions before you act, you need to take responsibility and recognize that you are the only person that can control your mental illness, no one else.

Before those of you that are mentally ill chime in that that is harder than most people realize: Yes, it is.  I have been clinically depressed for years.  It’s easy to pop the pills, it is not easy to realize when I’m getting angry at everything, nothing seems to be going right, and that self-destructive behavior is perfectly justified because who the fuck cares anyway if things are this shit anyway that it my perceptions are skewed all to hell.  It is NOT easy to separate myself from those feelings and say “Okay, yes, I missed the bus, my friend is pissed at me for something not my fault and lashing out, I have more work than I can handle and almost no money, but that is not an okay reason to get angry at myself or others.  How can I improve this or prevent these things from happening next time is constructive, self punishment for simply having a bad day is not.”

“You arrogant twat, not everyone is you.”

No, no they’re not.  But in my tiny, screwed up little world, everyone should try their damnedest to fix their problems if they can.  Having to rework your whole way of thinking is not easy, especially under stress and the heat of emotion, but it can be done.  Go check out A Beautiful Mind for the best example of how difficult this is I’ve found.  It’s not that he made himself somehow un-schizophrenic.  He’s not cured.  He has to go through his every step of life checking “is this real? Is this a hallucination?” if it is, he has to ignore it, no matter how hard it is, how hard it fights for his attention.  Living with a mental illness is hard, very hard.  But it can, and should, be done.

“Why should they have to conform to social rules? Why?  Do you really think you can come in here with your holier than thou attitude and hold up the rules of society as being good things when you repeatedly fly in the face of them, are a self-proclaimed misanthrope, and anyone who knows you in daily life knows you act a hell of a lot like Gregory House did in the first four seasons of the show?!”

I do piss people off just to piss them off. You’re right.  Congrats. However, I am holding people to the niceties of society here only to the extent that I want to believe that yes, everyone, in fact, deserves to be treated equally.  The people around a mentally ill person do not deserve to be yelled at, cursed at, beat up on, the mentally ill does not deserve to be excused for their actions, they do NOT deserve to be excused from being a selfish ass to everyone around them and taking their own life.  Yes, yes, I said it.  Suicide is selfish, and it’s a self serving gesture that makes your life a hell of a lot easier by ending it and spits in the face of everyone that cared for you, tried to help you, wanted to help you, listened to you, and makes their life ten times harder because it made things easier for YOU. Suicide is never the answer, and not because I particularly care that you stay alive.  It’s wrong that you think you are special enough to make those around you miserable and question what they did wrong when it’s YOU that screwed up.

I uphold the idea that everyone deserves equal respect. That does not mean that if you are hateful to everyone else and happen to have a mental illness you have to still be treated with respect.  Those people you’re hateful toward deserve respect and aren’t getting it, therefore, you don’t get respect.

One last note on that:  No one is perfect. No one.  We all lash out at times.  But there is a big damn difference between saying “I should not have said that, I apologize, that was uncalled for.  What I said is not true and I know that.” And saying “Sorry I said you were worthless and nobody loves you, it’s just because I have a mental illness and lash out sometimes.”  One says that lack of self control is not okay and that it was the person’s failing.  The other says “I’m allowed to treat you badly because my mental illness makes me special.  I didn’t fuck up, the disease made me do it.”

No one makes anyone do anything.  Nothing made the people that committed suicide commit suicide.  They took the gun, the knife, the poison in a conscious act.  They did it themselves. If someone was forcing them, it isn’t suicide. It’s murder.

Stop lumping the people in that fight to swallow their pride and say “I need help. I’m sick, I need to work to get better,” with the people that sit on their ass and refuse to get help.  Stop lumping in those working to control their illness and sometimes screwing up with those that don’t work to control it at all.

Remove the stigma attached to the mental illness. You want to shame someone, shame them for thinking they’re too special to be treated like everyone else and should be excused from responsibility of solving their own problems. Not because their thought processes are damaged.

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