Omg. I got fun news yous guys!

I HAS A FLAME. And it’s on my “suicide is bullshit” post. It’s delicious. It’s wonderful. I love it. And, future reference, yes, all of your comments are free game for a new blog post. Here’s my shiny new flame:

“I’m a writer. I’m currently finishing a novel, about 50,000 words left to write. I then have to do the rewrites of my first two novels, that’s about 100,00 words each. After that, assuming no other worthwhile projects intervene, I’ll be responding to this post.

I mention the other writing projects not to show off, but rather to give you — and anyone else who may be reading — an idea of the sheer scale of the project it will be to explain and correct every bullshit statement in this post.”

Now, let’s deconstruct this. He (the name attached was masculine, though it doesn’t matter *who* it was) first has to mention how very busy he is. Then why are you here? And then he says he’s not trying to brag– that tells me the very opposite.

Explain and correct every bullshit statement? 😄 You can try, skippy. I encourage it. However, my opinion has the advantage of being… my opinion. If you want to show off your internet cock by beating up on an unknown blogger, you can go right ahead, I’m just going to enjoy the lulz. So please, please, respond. Humor is one of my very favorite spices of life.

Okay, so this guy came to my blog on his own. I’m not a celebrity. I’m not even all that interesting. And this was the *first* post I ever made… that means he either had to go searching for it, or he came to it from one of the tags. Okay, fine. But I’m still a bit perplexed– if it’s going to be such a massive effort to “correct” me, why are you doing it when you are *clearly* so busy? And, furthermore, what the hell are you trying to prove? NO ONE READS THIS. There are 90 views to date. Aside from a couple kind friends that think I’m amusing, NO ONE SEES THIS. I hate to tell you, but your, I’m sure, argumentative genius is going to go to waste. So, if you’re not putting it up for anyone to see… BUT WAIT, YOU ARE!

“I mention the other writing projects not to show off, but rather to give you — and anyone else who may be reading…”

Okay, so your goal is to humiliate me in front of an audience. Noble aspirations. Oh yeah. Totally. One can argue I’m doing the same thing by posting this, but the difference is, I’m not doing it in any way that can be linked back to you. I was going to leave your comment approved, but you know what, I’m not out for a personal vendetta. I just want to ROFLCOPTER at you and others like you that honestly think that it is *so* important that you go hunt down an unknown blogger and try to make them feel inferior to make you feel better about yourself. If someone wanted to, I don’t want them to be able to harass you. I choose to put myself out there to be harassed. One can argue that anyone that posts on a public forum agrees to such things, but you know what? I’m gonna be nice and save you from looking like an absolute fool in front of lots of people.

So, why do people do this? Well, I’ve got some theories.

1.”Are you coming to bed?” “No.” “Why?” “Someone is WRONG on the internet!” -XKCD

Now, ignoring that entire thing on right and wrong being subjective, here’s my theory on this type of person: They really do think they are right. That they are somehow “improving” someone’s lives by “enlightening them.” In fact, I know these people quite well. I’m one of them. Thankfully, I’ve got a girlfriend to smack me when I do this on other people’s websites. My own? Sure. Someone else’s? No. Unless it’s something like racism, antisemitism, homophobia, etc. I get a swat. Why? Because if I don’t agree with you on religion, abortion, whatever, it’s fine you have a different view, because you know what? Your religion, your body, etc. However, when you start imposing your views on other people, like making laws that discriminate against folk or prevent them from having full control over their body? Then I can fight with you. After I think if it’s really worth wasting my energy on you. Usually, it’s not. However in my feisty, Irish hot temper, usually it takes me a head swat after ranting to realize that.

2. “They see me trollin’. They be hatin’.”
The guy could just be a troll, provoking for the sake of provoking. Maybe he just *really* needs to manipulate someone’s emotions to feel important. That’s how it is with most of them. Or they just find joy out of making people angry over stupid shit. My blog just happened to be the target of the day. However, one note: I hang out on 4chan, dudes. I’ve seen some horrible shit from freaking *professional level* trolls, if there could be such a thing. It’s pretty hard to really offend me anymore. I’ve just gotten used to it. You’ll get a rise out of me, sure– but then I’ll just write humorous/pondering posts such as this one. 😀

3. “OMG, U MAEK MEH SO ANGREE APIFGUHERPITUEHRPOSDIFHSDIPH111!!!!!1”
My bet for this guy, with a pinch of option one thrown in. Something I said pissed this guy off (congrats, you responded to a post I made intentionally inflammatory, even though it actually does sync up with my opinions! Troll point for me.) And he dashed off the first angry argle bargle that came into his head, promising to come back and get me later. My guess is he’ll either stew and make a post full of ridiculous emotion driven arguments or forget all about this.

All of these options leave me with one real question: Why is it he kept reading if it pissed him off so much? Was it just one of those train wreck moments, maybe? Why comment at all, how the hell is it going to change what’s been posted on the internet for months now?

So, readers, tell me about your flaming experiences, toss me more theories, leave me a flame to keep me warm. I’m cold, it’s below zero where I am. 🙂