Archive for December, 2010


WARNING: This post is going to piss people off. No, seriously. It deals heavily with religion. If that bothers you, run now. Don’t bother flaming me, getting upset. We’re not going to agree. I don’t expect you to agree with me, nor should you expect me to agree with you. Don’t waste your time. Thanks.

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I’m fed up. Look, I know I’ve been going post happy lately, but goddamn if this doesn’t piss me off.

Here’s the back story: A building containing an adult novelty store burned down in my town. No one was hurt, and it looks like the cause was accidental. The firemen were awesome in responding, all that. That’s all great. However, I’m about ready to drop kick me some holier than thou twats that live in my town.

An example of this foolishness, a letter to my local paper. I’m replacing the town name with Townsville, because I don’t want you people to know where I live and hunt me down:

“Hey, why didn’t the [newspaper] just call it what it was, a pornography store?

Why do you sanitize this type of business? Why do you make it sound so nice and clean, so polite and quaint for the good folks of Townsville?

This business was a blight and an embarrassment for the area, and sadly, one that exploits and dehumanizes people. Pornography is proved statistically to be a contributing factor for criminal behaviors such as rape and sexual assault. It makes women “things” and not real human people. It also makes other people very rich and powerful at their expense.

If this fire had struck another type of business, you wouldn’t be afraid to call it a liquor store, or a food store, or a hardware store. So why not call it what it really was: a pornography store? Everyone talking about the fire story in Townsville spoke of the porn store that burned up, not the cute sounding “adult novelty store.””

People have been wailing on the owner of this store, calling it a “blight” on the city, making jokes about melting blow up dolls, and generally being the most disrespectful pricks you’ll ever come across. If this was a coffee shop that had burned down, we’d hear people “praying for those that lost their livelihood.” Because it’s a store that sold some very nice adult toys and videos, apparently, we should have thrown the employees and owners into the blaze to be rid of their “kind.”

No, I’m not making that up. In the comments section of one of the articles on this, someone said that anyone that would work at a sex shop is “disgusting.” Really? Really now? Why?

***AUTHOR’S NOTE: I apologize now to you good, SANE Christians. You guys that practice kindness and tolerance and know what a vibrator is and don’t begrudge others getting off with one, or hell, even use one yourself. I KNOW you exist. None of this tirade applies to you. I’m not for religion, but clearly you guys get the faith thing and it WORKS for you. Run with it. More power to you. Just skip the rest of this post. Seriously. It’s just going to piss you off. *****

Oh, but I’m being stupid again. It’s all because I wasn’t born and raised to believe that I’m going to burn in hell if I get enjoyment from sex. THAT’S why I’m such a heathen that I don’t believe this store is evil. So silly of me.

Now, this has been a vexation of mine for a long time, this demonization of sex we have in this country. It can be traced back to those fun-loving Puritans that first came to this country, methinks. You know, those same people that thought it was a sin to dance, have music, use your imagination (note: that last one was stolen from my Shakespeare professor, and I haven’t found documentation of that one just yet, but damnit, I will), and in the words of House, thought drama and plays were “the way the devil gets inside you (points if you get that reference and name the episode).” They were laughed out of England for their bitching about theatre, thus they came here to steal other people’s land and live out their miserable, tuneless, sexless lives.

Of course, they’re not all to blame. The idea that sex = evil is rather prominent in most branches of Christianity. The majority of the U.S. is Christian. Thus, the majority of America seems to have this belief, and the type of bullshit that is contained in the letter above happens.

My question is: Why? Why, exactly, is it that Christians fear sex so much at every single point in their lives? The antiquated insanity of “no sex before marriage” is a special type of lunacy to discuss another time, but what about just in general? I’ve been trying to come up with something for years, and all I can come up with is that the Church really, really hates anything that causes pleasure.

Here’s my theory on religion: It was created to control the masses when just threatening to beat your ass for killing someone didn’t cut it anymore. They needed some bigger, better punishment. Punishment that lasted a really, REALLY long time. All you have to do is create a mystical figure to do the punishing and BOOM. You can get people to stand in line because if they don’t, powers far more mighty than mere man shall smite them!

See, all that, I get. I really do. Human groups need order, and that order needs to be kept by having rules that are enforced. If people don’t fear consequences of breaking rules, everything goes to hell. I GET that. It keeps the rapin’, murderin’, and cuttin’ on yer own face down. More bonus points if you get THAT reference.

But why the hell police consenting sex?! Why?! What the hell do they get out of it? You cannot tell me that Adam and Eve never got it on. According to Christian mythology, they HAD to. Where’d all these Christians come from, otherwise?! Now, we can run with the idea that before the fall they never did. Sure. But why do we need to think that? Why is lust, what is necessary to create life, a deadly sin?

All I’ve got is that it makes people hate themselves, and therefore become obsessed with what they can do to somehow “fix” whatever it is they are talked into believing is wrong with them. And HEY! You know who knows how to fix it? All those nice people in that big pointy building. Who told you it was wrong in the first place. That’s why you police carnal desire, unavoidable emotions and impulses, because if you make them hate themselves for what they cannot control, blame themselves for what they naturally are, and then claim that only you have the keys to fixing it all, they’ll run to you for all the answers. You own them. They will do whatever you tell them to make their “dirty” and “disgraceful” selves better. Yeah. You know who else does this type of brainwashing? Abusers. Check this out:

As defined by the United States Department of Justice:

Emotional Abuse: Undermining an individual’s sense of self-worth and/or self-esteem. This may include, but is not limited to constant criticism, diminishing one’s abilities, name-calling, or damaging one’s relationship with his or her children.

Psychological Abuse: Causing fear by intimidation; threatening physical harm to self, partner, children, or partner’s family or friends; destruction of pets and property; and forcing isolation from family, friends, or school and/or work.

http://www.ovw.usdoj.gov/domviolence.htm

Now, those are the definitions for those as they pertain to domestic violence, but it sounds eerily like what the church does: It tells you over and over again you’re worthless/damaged, intimidates you with threats of a place of torture especially if you question them or disagree with them (silly heretics)… you get the idea.

Okay, now all you people about to flame me and yell “CHURCH ISN’T LIKE THAT! THEY DO GOOD!” tell me this: If an abusive spouse works for a charity and feeds the poor, should we not punish them for beating their spouse to death? Can any amount of good deeds really wipe away the stain of convincing people they are worthless? Defective? Damaged?

You know, I started this post to rail into people that hated sex for no reason other than they were told it was bad. In wandering down the road of why anyone would possibly believe that madness, I’ve found why it is the church pisses me off so much.

What all of that rant was supposed illustrate is how absurd the fear and hatred of sex is that makes people call this legitimate business a “blight” and laugh at the fact that people lost their livelihood and jobs.

I’ll get into the hating on porn another day. What pisses me off is that this business is being mocked and jeered at, kicked, and it’s employees and patrons pissed on because in this damned society, sex is evil.

And it’s all because an abusive entity bent on controlling minds told people so, and they believed them.

Remember, kids: Religions are just cults with more members. And better public relations.

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Here is a much smarter person than I disputing the idea that the church, most specifically, the Catholic Church, is a force of good in the world. I give you, the glorious Stephen Fry. This man raises many of the points I do here, but far more eloquently than a verbal klutz like myself could ever hope to do. If you don’t listen to me, listen to him.

Part 1 of 2: Stephen Fry

Wait, what?

Top Ten Words Looked Up On Merriam-Webster Online:

1. Pretentious
2. Ubiquitous
3. Love
4. Cynical
5. Apathetic
6. Conundrum
7. Albeit
8. Ambiguous
9. Integrity
10. Affect/Effect

Source/Sauce (depending on what corner of the internet you’re from):
http://www.merriam-webster.com/top-ten-lists/top-10-most-frequently-looked-up-words/pretentious.html

This is utterly strange to me. I have known at least eight of those words since I was maybe thirteen. Ubiquitous I had to double-check the definition on, but I at least had a vague idea. The affect/effect difference I had bludgeoned into me at fifteen. Albeit I use a good deal, though sometimes I mangle the spelling terribly and have to look it up in my spell check.

Here’s my thing: As many thirteen year olds as are in the internet, I don’t think they could make those the top words all on their own. That means older folk are looking them up too. Now, I realize I was a weird kid that read too much, but SERIOUSLY?

What the hell is going on here?

Yes, yes, complaining about education going to hell in a hand basket with a cheeseburger and side of fries is not new, but this managed to significantly freak me out. I consider most of those common vocabulary words. One of my favorite insults is calling folk with an overblown sense of entitlement/their own importance a “pretentious prick,” part because it’s true, part because alliteration is fun. While some of these can be explained by assholes like me using them in forum conversations to demonstrate a point, (Ex: integrity, love.
“Integrity is defined by Merriam-Webster Online as having ‘firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values.’ You cannot claim you have integrity, as framed by the chivalric code, and then tell a woman she deserves to suffer whatever happens to her because she ‘got out of the kitchen.'” Yes, I’m that jerk.) , a lot of them cannot be as easily.

This bothers me a good deal, probably because my train of thought goes like this:

“If you don’t read enough to know those words at least by context clues, if not the formal definition, then you have little exposure to any world other than your own. You also have little exposure to any viewpoints other than your own and those people you keep close to you. Therefore, you probably don’t exercise your mind by trying to see from someone different’s perspective that often and are unaccustomed to thinking that deeply because you have never had to, which means you are painfully easy to manipulate. Wow. No wonder Bush got elected twice then those same people complained endlessly about him, and people are surprised when Obama hasn’t fulfilled his campaign promises– Not only do they blindly believe what they are told, they cannot see from any viewpoint other than the one they are taught by the people around them from birth so they cannot put themselves in anyone’s shoes to see WHY something isn’t working or isn’t a good idea. No wonder we’re all doomed if we have to depend on the common person’s vote. They can be easily manipulated into voting however the politicians want because they cannot think for themselves.” Long and winding train of thought, probably not entirely sound in reasoning, but I don’t think it’s too much of a leap.

Suddenly, I think I have found the answer to the rampant bipartisanship in America. I’m terrified. You know what, how about we scale back all those shiny earmarks and use the money that is currently going to politician’s pet projects for something else. Hey, let’s dock the salaries of professional athletes too, if we need some extra cash. Let’s pay teachers a better wage. Let’s get kids exposed to a variety of books, cultures, movies. Let’s get teachers that will discuss all of those things, the biases involved, why those biases exist, and how to see past them as well as our OWN biases. Let’s get rid of that textbook monopoly they’ve got running in Texas. And most importantly, present all academic points of view and keep parents, their biases, their religions, their prejudices the HELL out of their kids’ education. Or, of course, we can take the easier, cheaper way out to shore up our failing schools, but that one requires parenting. Ready?

Make your kids read a goddamn book instead of blowing people up in Halo. It doesn’t matter if it’s books, comic books (try Maus by Art Spiegelman on for size if you’re worried about comics being valid literature), fantasy, romance, I don’t care. Have them read maybe ten minutes a day to start, then work their way up to a half hour or so. Start with picture books. Eventually they’ll get from there through Twilight or Harry Potter and start craving something bigger and more adult. And for god’s sake, let your kid read what they want. Nothing will kill your desire to read faster than your every choice being shot down by someone who “knows best.” Guide gently if you must, but for the most part, leave them alone.

Please, please, don’t let the film Idiocracy become reality. I know I’m a freak and over reacting, but damn if it doesn’t seem like there are distant warning knells that it is possible.

I got my first flame! :D

Omg. I got fun news yous guys!

I HAS A FLAME. And it’s on my “suicide is bullshit” post. It’s delicious. It’s wonderful. I love it. And, future reference, yes, all of your comments are free game for a new blog post. Here’s my shiny new flame:

“I’m a writer. I’m currently finishing a novel, about 50,000 words left to write. I then have to do the rewrites of my first two novels, that’s about 100,00 words each. After that, assuming no other worthwhile projects intervene, I’ll be responding to this post.

I mention the other writing projects not to show off, but rather to give you — and anyone else who may be reading — an idea of the sheer scale of the project it will be to explain and correct every bullshit statement in this post.”

Now, let’s deconstruct this. He (the name attached was masculine, though it doesn’t matter *who* it was) first has to mention how very busy he is. Then why are you here? And then he says he’s not trying to brag– that tells me the very opposite.

Explain and correct every bullshit statement? 😄 You can try, skippy. I encourage it. However, my opinion has the advantage of being… my opinion. If you want to show off your internet cock by beating up on an unknown blogger, you can go right ahead, I’m just going to enjoy the lulz. So please, please, respond. Humor is one of my very favorite spices of life.

Okay, so this guy came to my blog on his own. I’m not a celebrity. I’m not even all that interesting. And this was the *first* post I ever made… that means he either had to go searching for it, or he came to it from one of the tags. Okay, fine. But I’m still a bit perplexed– if it’s going to be such a massive effort to “correct” me, why are you doing it when you are *clearly* so busy? And, furthermore, what the hell are you trying to prove? NO ONE READS THIS. There are 90 views to date. Aside from a couple kind friends that think I’m amusing, NO ONE SEES THIS. I hate to tell you, but your, I’m sure, argumentative genius is going to go to waste. So, if you’re not putting it up for anyone to see… BUT WAIT, YOU ARE!

“I mention the other writing projects not to show off, but rather to give you — and anyone else who may be reading…”

Okay, so your goal is to humiliate me in front of an audience. Noble aspirations. Oh yeah. Totally. One can argue I’m doing the same thing by posting this, but the difference is, I’m not doing it in any way that can be linked back to you. I was going to leave your comment approved, but you know what, I’m not out for a personal vendetta. I just want to ROFLCOPTER at you and others like you that honestly think that it is *so* important that you go hunt down an unknown blogger and try to make them feel inferior to make you feel better about yourself. If someone wanted to, I don’t want them to be able to harass you. I choose to put myself out there to be harassed. One can argue that anyone that posts on a public forum agrees to such things, but you know what? I’m gonna be nice and save you from looking like an absolute fool in front of lots of people.

So, why do people do this? Well, I’ve got some theories.

1.”Are you coming to bed?” “No.” “Why?” “Someone is WRONG on the internet!” -XKCD

Now, ignoring that entire thing on right and wrong being subjective, here’s my theory on this type of person: They really do think they are right. That they are somehow “improving” someone’s lives by “enlightening them.” In fact, I know these people quite well. I’m one of them. Thankfully, I’ve got a girlfriend to smack me when I do this on other people’s websites. My own? Sure. Someone else’s? No. Unless it’s something like racism, antisemitism, homophobia, etc. I get a swat. Why? Because if I don’t agree with you on religion, abortion, whatever, it’s fine you have a different view, because you know what? Your religion, your body, etc. However, when you start imposing your views on other people, like making laws that discriminate against folk or prevent them from having full control over their body? Then I can fight with you. After I think if it’s really worth wasting my energy on you. Usually, it’s not. However in my feisty, Irish hot temper, usually it takes me a head swat after ranting to realize that.

2. “They see me trollin’. They be hatin’.”
The guy could just be a troll, provoking for the sake of provoking. Maybe he just *really* needs to manipulate someone’s emotions to feel important. That’s how it is with most of them. Or they just find joy out of making people angry over stupid shit. My blog just happened to be the target of the day. However, one note: I hang out on 4chan, dudes. I’ve seen some horrible shit from freaking *professional level* trolls, if there could be such a thing. It’s pretty hard to really offend me anymore. I’ve just gotten used to it. You’ll get a rise out of me, sure– but then I’ll just write humorous/pondering posts such as this one. 😀

3. “OMG, U MAEK MEH SO ANGREE APIFGUHERPITUEHRPOSDIFHSDIPH111!!!!!1”
My bet for this guy, with a pinch of option one thrown in. Something I said pissed this guy off (congrats, you responded to a post I made intentionally inflammatory, even though it actually does sync up with my opinions! Troll point for me.) And he dashed off the first angry argle bargle that came into his head, promising to come back and get me later. My guess is he’ll either stew and make a post full of ridiculous emotion driven arguments or forget all about this.

All of these options leave me with one real question: Why is it he kept reading if it pissed him off so much? Was it just one of those train wreck moments, maybe? Why comment at all, how the hell is it going to change what’s been posted on the internet for months now?

So, readers, tell me about your flaming experiences, toss me more theories, leave me a flame to keep me warm. I’m cold, it’s below zero where I am. 🙂

Twitter!

A lovely lady I follow on Twitter named thekelliejane wrote a blog post (Found here: http://www.punditleague.us/editorials/do-you-suck-at-twitter-i-can-help/ ) that got me thinking.

Her suggestions are legit if you have a multitude of followers, like celebrity multitude, but… really?

Here’s the thing with twitter, at least for me: If you’re a good enough sport to put up with my particular brand of stupidity, awesome! If not… leave. I’m not about to try to change how I post things simply to get more followers. The hell is the point? I realize I’m not important enough to the internet for anyone to give a shit what I say, let alone how I say it.

I know, I know, she’s giving courtesy tips. I agree with them mostly. However, the idea that someone can suck at twitter is foreign to me. It’s like saying people suck at using the phone. I realize some DO, but it’s not really important unless your job is answering the phone/calling people/etc. I guess the point of all this is that unless you really, REALLY want that army of followers, why the fuck does it matter? Use twitter however the hell you want. If that means you have conversation over @ tweets with your friend about pancakes, do it. If you have a lot to say? Post multiple tweets. No internet twitter using ninjas are going to pop out of the sky and say you’re wrong. I won’t care, if I’m following you, mostly because if I’m following someone, they already amuse me. Thus, I don’t mind knowing what they think about pancakes.

Point is, folks, use social media however you want. This is the internet. There are no rules. And remember, honestly, we’re all insignificant. That invisible massive audience out there isn’t really watching you, so feel free to talk about pancakes and tweet about popcorn necklaces all you want.

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